Finding balance and purpose
An important part of being emotionally well is
finding a sense of balance, meaning, and purpose in life. This balance and
purpose will be different for each woman. However, for most women it may
involve some of the same steps:
This section gives you advice and tips on how to
do each of these things. Keep in mind that finding a sense of balance and
purpose in your life is a journey. It might mean different things to you at
different times in your life, but thinking about these issues will help you to
be more emotionally well.
 Li's story: "There
have always been so many things I wanted to do in life, but I had a hard time
deciding what to work on first. I would spend a little time on this, a little
on that, but I wasn't accomplishing any of my goals. One of my co-workers
suggested that I take the time to write down all my goals and then decide which
ones were most important and work on those a little bit at a time. I had a hard
time choosing where to start, but when I did, it really helped. I'm not doing
as many things as I used to, but I'm really making progress on what I am doing.
And I feel a lot less stressed out about my life."
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Self-discovery
Self-discovery helps us take a look at our values
and dreams so we can be sure we are working toward the right goals. One way to
do this is through writing. Writing not only helps self-discovery, but it also
can be good for your health. Don't worry about complete sentences or grammar.
Just let your thoughts flow from your mind, through your pen, and onto the
paper. If you have a creative style, add drawings and use colorful pens!
Here are some ideas to get you started:
- I am happiest
when…
- I am proud of myself
because…
- I was born to…
- I can simplify my life by living
without…
- In my dreams, I…
- I believe in my abilities to do great
things because…
- I feel strongest
when…
- I'm proud of my family or community
because…
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Developing a personal
mission statement
Do you ask yourself, "Why am I here? Who am I?
What is my purpose in life?" These are good questions to ask. The meaning and
purpose of life is unique for every woman.
A personal mission statement describes how you
want to live your life. One way to develop such a statement is to imagine your
80th birthday. Think about what all your friends and family would say about
you. Write your own life mission statement, and update it as your life goals
change.
Here are two examples of a mission
statement:
- Each day of my life, I will work to
understand myself better. I will take time to smell the roses, enjoy simple
pleasures, care for my body, nourish my mind, undertake challenges that come my
way, and be proud of those things that make me unique.
- My purpose is to express my love for life by
appreciating the small things, loving my family, and prioritizing my work. I
will welcome each day with a smile.
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Setting goals
By setting and meeting realistic goals, your life
will have more meaning and purpose. You will have a better understanding of how
to move forward. If you have several goals, list them in order of importance.
That helps keep you from feeling overwhelmed. It also helps you keep your
attention on your most important goals.
Remember, setting goals is a lifelong process.
Once you have completed one goal, you can start on another!
You can use the following steps to set any
personal or professional goal:
- Write down your goal: Write
your goals in a positive way. For instance, write, "Learn to do well," not, "Do
not make mistakes."
- Set a deadline for achieving the
goal: Make your goals precise. Include dates, times, and amounts so
that you can see how well you are doing.
- Know your obstacles: List the
obstacles you need to overcome in order to accomplish your goal.
- Identify who can help: Write
down the names of people and groups you need to work with to reach your
goal.
- Identify what you need to
know: List the skills, knowledge, and experience required to reach
your goal.
- Create an action plan: Develop
a plan for learning the skills you need to reach your goal.
- Know the reason: Write down
the benefits of achieving your goal.
Setting goals is important, but make sure your
goals are realistic. For instance, if your goal is to get more sleep, don't try
to go to bed an hour earlier right away. Instead, set smaller goals of going to
bed 5 or 10 minutes earlier each night. In other words, take small steps and
keep on taking them every day. Celebrating your small goals along the way will
keep you on the road to achieving your larger goals!
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Adapting to adversity and
change
Resilient people know how to bounce back from
hardships and find ways to grow from bad situations. They do well with change,
and they gain strength from misfortune. The good news is that being able to
adapt and change can be learned by focusing on three things:
- Outside supports: These
include people you trust and resources that make a person feel safe and free to
grow. Know who you trust, and turn to those people in difficult times.
- Inner strengths: Another way
to help yourself adapt to change is to find the strong points of your
personality and use them. Know your best personality traits such as a positive
outlook, kindness, or confidence. Draw on those traits for strength when you
need it.
- Learned skills: You can
develop skills to make yourself more adaptable or flexible. Know what skills
you need in challenging times and work to develop them when things are going
well for you. For example, if you don't think you communicate well, ask a
friend to help you better express your feelings.
 Christen's story: "When I am feeling
overwhelmed and know that I need to give myself a break, I turn off my phone. I
try to slow down a little bit by going for a long walk or taking a bike ride to
clear my head and look at nature. Sometimes, I like to put on my sweats and
slippers and curl up with a good book, or write, draw, or play my guitar –
anything to feed other parts of myself so that I feel re-energized. At times
like these, I draw on my beliefs for comfort and strength."
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Learning skills that help you
deal positively with stress
Every woman deals with stress. Some stresses are
smaller (like trying to find a parking space when you are in a hurry), and some
are larger (like dealing with a divorce). No matter the size, knowing how to
deal with stress is an important part of being emotionally well.
Here are some tips for dealing with stress:
- Know how you react: Think
about how you respond in times of stress or change. Do you like the way you
respond? How can you change it?
- Seek guidance: Ask others
– such as friends, faith-based advisers, counselors, or family members
– how they respond to stress. Try what seems to work well for them.
- Make a plan: Think about how
you want to respond to stress. Write down the names of people you would seek
out for help.
- Be ready to change: Think
about how open-minded and flexible you are when it is time for a change. Think
about how you can accept change in times of stress.
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Increasing your
confidence
Confidence is your belief in your ability to reach
your goals. Women who are emotionally well have a strong belief that they are
able to succeed.
Here are three ways you can feel more
confident:
- Doing what you do best: The
best way to begin feeling more confident is to focus on the things you already
do well. If you don't know what things you do well, ask your friends and
family. Then focus more of your time on those things, and congratulate yourself
for your successes. This will give you more confidence.
- Seeing others do it: Seeing
someone like yourself succeed will help you believe that you can do it, too. If
there is something you have always wanted to do but you are not sure you can do
it, then find another woman who is doing it. Ask her if you can watch. Then,
see if she will help you get started!
- Use your emotions: If you
have a hard time starting something, use your emotions to help you take action.
It's OK to be excited, nervous, or afraid about something new. Accept those
feelings and use them to help you get going.
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Nurturing your spirit
 It is easy to know when we feel
physically tired, but it takes time to know when we feel emotionally tired.
Caring for your spirit is taking a conscious break to renew the soul. It means
taking time to tune out the world and to reconnect with yourself. Women who
take time to nurture their spirits tend to be more emotionally healthy.
Here are some ideas on how to slow down, turn your
focus inward, and recharge:
- Sip a cup of hot tea or hot chocolate, or drink
a glass of cold lemonade.
- Take a long shower or bath. Pamper
yourself.
- Write down your thoughts, or express yourself
through art or music.
- Meditate or pray.
- Sit quietly and feel yourself breathe.
- Take a break to read a book or magazine.
- Take a walk and look at nature. Focus on
enjoying the simple beauty of the world around you. Think about what it means
to achieve personal peace.
- Use a calendar to organize your time, and write
in some time for yourself.
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Activities to help you
find balance and purpose
Here are some short exercises you can do to help
you find balance and purpose in your life. You can do them by yourself, or with
friends and family members.
What is your personal mission
statement?
How do you manage stress, and how could
you do it better?
How could you make more time for
yourself?
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Write down and plan for one of your
personal goals: |
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What is your goal?
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When do you want to achieve your
goal?
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What are your obstacles?
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Who can help?
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List the skills and knowledge you need to
reach your goal.
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Make an action plan.
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List the benefits of the
goal.
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Bright Futures—A Woman's Guide to Emotional
Wellness